A Pagan in Hell
A Pagan dies, and to his great surprise finds
himself standing before some pearly gates.
The guy in charge looks him over before asking,
"Can I help you?"
"Where am I?" asks the Pagan.
"Beg your pardon?" the other guy asks. "You're in Heaven, of course."
"B-but I don't believe..."
"Hmmm" (squinting his eyes) "are you one of them Pagan folk?" the gatekeeper asks,
his mouth curling in mild distaste.
"Yes, I am... I believe I'm in the wrong place, which way is the
Summerland?" our Pagan friend asks.
"It's been 'temporarily' shut down for repairs," the
gatekeeper said with an ironic chuckle, "ever since we took over...err...I mean... since the people found their way to the
true path."
"Whatever," says the Pagan, "What do I do now?"
"I'm sorry sir, but you must go to Hell. No Pagans allowed
here."
"WHAT? Hell? But I don't believe in Hell!"
"Sorry, those are the rules, just follow the downward path to
the left."
So our Pagan friend walks down to Hell, only to
find the doors open. He warily goes in and looks around to see beautiful
meadows, and animals happily roaming the surrounding woods.
"Hmm, so far
so good."
A voice behind him made him all but jump out of
his skin. "Can I help
you?"
"SHEESH! Give
a guy a heart attack, why don't you?"
"Ahem... a little too late for that, isn't it?" the guy
said with a smile.
"Who are you,
anyway?" our friend asks.
"Why, I'm Satan," the other one said with a slight
bow.
"Satan?!" said our friend as he started looking around
nervously.
"At your service... you're the Pagan guy Pete called us about,
right?"
"Pete... oh the guy in Heaven, yes..." he said, eyeing
Satan carefully. "What's gonna
happen to me now?"
"Well, you can hang out, there's some great fishing going on in
the lake beyond these woods and, if you follow the road down this way, there's
refreshments and a little market not too far and to your right. I believe the
Pagan meeting grounds are just behind that hill..." Satan went on.
"Are you
serious...?" he finally asked.
Satan grinned at him innocently. "Why shouldn't I be?"
Sudden understanding filled Satan's eyes. "You don't believe the rumors, do
you?"
Suddenly, in answer to our friend's growing
fear, the vault of the skies opened with a thunderous groan. A soul, plummeting
through the sky, screamed in terror, his screams drowned by the opening of a
yawning chasm full of fire and brimstone. The stench of sulfur thickened the
air.Thousands of howling, suffering, tortured voices echoed through Hell. When
the screaming soul finally fell into the pit, the ground shut closed with a
sickening thud that rattled the earth.
Our Pagan friend all but soiled his undies as he
yelped in terror. "And what was
THAT all about?"
Satan rolled his eyes, and
made a dismissive gesture with his hand as he said with a distasteful grimace.
"Oh, just ignore that..."
He rolled his eyes again. "My
Christian guests refuse to have it any other way!"
author unknown
